august

a month of celebrations on our little red dot, to celebrate the independence on this lil island that we call home.

this year, august injects a new meaning to us as we welcome our second-born. we are officially a family of 4! i guess a part of us did hope that he will pop on the 9th but the lil one had his own preference and decided to come to us 2 days later on a friday, same as his elder brother. 

our lil man 2, also known as baby tan 2, also known as L, is a smiley baby too. we took some pictures with and of L while waiting to be transferred to the ward. seriously, my hair is in a mess (#messyhairdontcare) but considering i just pushed a 3.58kg baby out, i think i'm excused. after-all, i'm just a normal civilian, not a celebrity nor influencer.

our first family pic after babytan 1, also know as I, was off from sch!

 can you make out who is who? both are photos of I & L when they were just born!

the birth stories of both baby tans were nothing unusual, just that i took a relatively short time (thankfully) to deliver both my boys. 

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this is going to be a long post

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my elder boy was induced at about 3pm in my gynae's clinic, 2cm dilation. why induce? 

1. my waterbag had burst at around 130pm

2. i didn't feel any contractions 

3. i was diagnosed with GBS

then, we happily went for our late lunch before checking ourselves into the delivery suite, thinking that it will be a long battle ahead, so we better get some food first! but at 325pm, when im halfway eating my expensive chicken rice from gleneagles foodcourt, i could feel some pain kicking in, so that's what contractions were about! i thought to myself, let me just finished up and i'll head up. 

after 2 more mouthfuls, i reckoned that i should just gobble up the chicken and leave the rice alone. the hub was just walking back to the table with his coffee when i blurted out "i cannot stay here anymore, i need to head up, you just come up when you are done with your food and coffee" and i began to walk out, the pain was seriously wtf. so i walked over to the conceirge which was fortunately less than 100m away and told the officer i need to head up immediately. the officer offered me a wheelchair which i politely refused because i thought that walking was a better idea to distract the pain. and i thought i had a high threshold for pain!

i didn't know how fast the hub finished up his stuffs because he was right behind me before the lift came. the nurse guided us into one of the delivery suites, had me changed out and started their barang barangs. (even now after number 2, i still have no idea what equipment they strapped me up to). by then, i was all curled up on the bed and breaking out in cold sweat, the pain was intense. since it's going to be a long battle, i shouted out to the hub, give me the epidural NOW! 

both the nurse and hub went "are you sure? so fast?"

obviously right. i thought i might just die if i had to endure this level of pain for another 10 hours, better to get the epidural and rest first, think of the big picture! so the nurse instructed me to empty my system and just threw me the laughing gas and said, try to relieve some pain from this first while we get the doc here. i bet she was laughing at me, really. my anesthetist, dr yvonne lim (supposedly very chio) reached shortly after (I think). i was seriously in a lot of pain and i didnt know what was happening and had totally lost track of time. 

so she came in, i couldnt even see her face. all i could figure was her slim and well-decked silhouette, heard her nice voice and that's all. the hub had to stay out, so he didnt know what happened too. i swear everything was a blur and the administration of epidural came and went without me feeling anything (that's how much pain i was already in, haha) just as i thought it was finally time to message my gfs that i'm already in the delivery suite, the urge to poop came. (i didnt think it was necessary to inform anyone first until check in, except my folks that my waterbag has burst and heading to the hosp after bathing.)

the same nurse gave me a half-hearted reply and said, push a bit if you want to and checked my dilation at the same time. i was 10cm, everyone was shocked. more nurses came in, i could hear them preparing the equipment and what not and my gynae arrived. after a few pushes and halts, baby tan 1 has popped! the time was 445pm. 

with babytan2, my waterbag didn't burst. 

in fact, i was already 5cm dilated when i went for my routine check at 38w6d. it was my 'first' time being checked for dilation, first time under normal circumstances, it's pretty uncomfortable but i was sure my gynae was quite gentle about it so it wasnt that bad. so what's the plan?

plan 1: manually burst the water-bag, go ahead and give birth that day

plan 2: wait it out and come back again when the contractions kicked in

after some deliberation, both the hub and i decided to go home to sort out a few things eg. I's bag in case he has to sleepover at my folks and instructing my brothers to pick I up from sch, me to bathe and do some final checks on household stuffs before we went back to the hospital again. my gynae told us to reach after lunch and she will burst my waterbag manually to kick-start the birthing process. Again, i heard horror stories from gfs about manually bursting the waterbag. While the thought was scary, the process was nothing much, really. 

we checked in at 1250pm after an uninterrupted lunch and my gynae done the deed before she went out for lunch at 115pm. i was still at 5cm. some sensations began to kick in after that and i thought so that's what normal contractions are, nothing major, everything was still under control. the hub and i were watching tv while waiting for things to happen. 

i told the hub that i want to deliver without epidural this time. since i might not need to wait long hours to give birth, maybe i can endure and deliver au natural, like what our mums went through during their times. it could also be the last time i'm giving birth, so i thought let's go all out. i have also voiced my intentions to both my gynae and the staff nurse attending to us and they were both encouraging. 

somehow somewhat, the contractions started to get more intense. initially, it was still bearable until i started to sweat (again). when the nurse told me that i was still at 5cm, probably going to 6cm, i asked if i should just give up and go for the epidural. i checked the time, it was about 150pm, almost half an hour after i had the waterbag burst and the progression was barely 1cm. that's it, i had better not take the risk just in case i couldnt do epidural later. 

BUT the staff nurse was extremely encouraging and she told me she endured 14 hours without epidural, only using the laughing gas, for her first born. oh man, not the laughing gas please, it doesn't work! between enduring the pain and trying to listen to the nurse's instructions and the hub encouragement, i tried to follow the nurse's direction to use the laughing gas and amazingly, it worked! the pain was still not bearable but at least i survived. so waves after waves of contractions, the pain only got more intense and i felt like dying again. this time, she suggested i should just sucked in more of the gas and made myself high, at least the pain would be manageable since i was still not at 10cm. so again, under her gentle voice and firm instructions, i breathed in 10 or 15 times continuously and yes, damn high, i already lost it. i wondered at the moment how my mum did it, 3 times without the damn epidural nor laughing gas. 

then, the urge to poop come. so i told the hub and the nurse, the feeling had come, should i push? she checked again and i was only at 7cm and asked me to endure the urge as she was concerned about something about swollen cervix if i pushed too early. i only caught the words, 'no, cannot push, endure, swollen cervix', so it was laughing gas to the rescue again. actually, the mask never went off, i was on it ever since i started, breathing hard in and out while the hub was counting. 

finally, i heard "ok, i will call your gynae now. you are ready". so, another nurse came in to help with the equipment and i heard my gynae voice again, yays! all these while, my eyes were closed. the difference between childbirth 1 and 2 was that i could feel EVERYTHING for childbirth 2, like how baby tan 2 was trying to gush out from down there, it's like someone banging on the door and yet, no matter how hard i pushed, the door did not open. i'm not going to go into details but fortunately, babytan 2 came out after a few pushes too, done deal. the time was 245pm, good job, another 1.5 hours record. apparently, i had an episiotomy and bled a lot more this time round AND i survived without the damn epidural! 

i was extremely thankful to the staff nurse, if not for her, i would have disappointed myself and went ahead with the epidural instead. she is really really really helpful! :) the stay at gleneagles was better than 2 years back too, the nurses were more experienced and everyone of them was very good at the bf positioning, or probably it was also my second time, so everything was smooth!

these are pretty much my birth experiences, period.

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some of our happy photos! L is a guzzler and growing up well, drink lots, pee lots and poo lots.

our 2 boys!

that's all folks! i'm finally done with this entry after 3 days of write, stop, write, stop. off to do some work while the lil one is sleeping. :)

Confinement

Confinement breakfast. 

My mum has been pretty insistent that I eat only hot food even for breakfast during the 28 days, no bread, no biscuits. I wonder what most ladies eat. 

After almost a week of meesua, my nanny decided to change to udon instead! Is breakfast really the most important meal of the day? 🤷🏻‍♀️

pregnancy and me (I)

as i'm busy resisting any attempts to scratch my super itchy arms, legs and tummy, the idea of updating this space sounds like a good distraction!

so, pregnancy and me.

first trimester
was simply terrible, i just want to lie down and do nothing everyday. most of the time, i felt sick, nauseous and dizzy. i had no appetite and eating was a chore, fish & my once-favorite-prawns were banned from my meals and beef was the only meat that seemed appetizing enough. there were at least 10 nights (about week 9-11 when my morning sickness was at its peak) when i had to camp beside the bowl and merlion-ed, the aftermath was terrible with the puke lingering in the mouth and throat. i couldn't drive for more than 5km without feeling nauseous, i couldn't stay out for more than 2 hours without feeling sick and tired, sleeping or lying down and watching running man were my absolute comfort. mummy said i looked like a total wreak and i decided to stop working after an episode of me nearly puking in front of (and probably also at) my client. you probably can imagine how bad morning sickness can be when i did not even want to celebrate my birthday, all i wanted was to stay home and not move an inch.

the thai medicated oil was my best friend then, i have to go everywhere with her. surprisingly, sour plums did not work for me initially; i started off with ribena gummies until the effect went off a few weeks later then sour plums did the magic to curb my nauseousness. eventually, i weaned off sour plums too and was on mini m&ns towards the end of my first trimester.

but one positive thing that i knew, my hormones have been raging furiously and baby tan is doing very well inside me, which is all that matters. and somehow, i started to eat pork and this must be one of the best news for the hubby, laughs. my mummies gfs/neighbours have been really supportive and encouraging too, assuring me that all is good and normal and it is ok to just rest. needless to say, the most supportive person got to be the husband, who tried all ways and means to cook differently to make me eat and at the same time, continue to work while i rest; this period of time has taken a toll on him too but oh well, he contributed to the making of baby tan after all!

weight gain: negative 2kg

will continue on this post soon, gotta prepare to head out for our antenatal class now!

2014

it has been a while.

i have been deliberating if I should be back at this lil' corner of mine for the past few months and a few considerations come to mind, ie. what if I'm inconsistent again? should i really pen down my thoughts? how will i get through the postings? should i start from where i left off? do i need a concept? and other thoughts of all sorts.

however, a home alone opportunity leads me back to this space and naturally, i'm here typing again. there are so many events and much happenings to update, where should I start?

for many many reasons, 2014 has been a slow and fast year for me and words simply cannot aptly describe what i have been through the year thus far. it isn't exactly an eventful year but the emotions that i have been through had been greater than any other year nor a few years combined. 

i believe i was in depression for a few months and it has been pretty tough getting out of it; though i wonder if i will ever forget about it, that episode has ended with a tiny black dot. moving on, i guess being tested positive in early mid of this year inevitably made my heart let go of the previous episode and ta-dah! i'm already beyond 30+weeks preggy now!

time really flies, from the miserable counting-days-to-days fist trimester (thanks but no thanks to my terrible morning sickness) to the time-whizzes-past second trimester (honeymoon period indeed!) and finally in my third and final trimester for baby tan. the journey has been pretty amazing especially now that we can feel more and more actions/kicks from baby tan, he seems to understand what daddy and mummy are telling him or when we are 'playing' with him. :)

we are really looking forward to 2015 and celebrating the arrival of our first born! speaking of which, 2014 is almost coming to a close with today begins the 1st day of december. are you counting down to christmas already?